


Finally Free

by AceVII



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Attack on Titan Chapter 138, Best Friends, Character Death, Feels, Friendship, Happy Ending, Kinda, Other, POV Jean Kirstein, Platonic Relationships, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers, semi-canon, trio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:15:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29894796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceVII/pseuds/AceVII
Summary: MANGA SPOILERS OH GOSH THEY ARE MAJOR (Mainly Chapter 138)DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERSIn his final moment, Jean sees his life flash by and envisions a free one.
Relationships: Marco Bott & Jean Kirstein, Sasha Blouse & Jean Kirstein & Connie Springer
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Finally Free

As Jean stood on the cliff, watching Falco’s titan fly higher and further away, he had a single thought on his mind. Did he make them proud? All their fallen comrades, the strangers and the friends who all fit the title. Marco, Sasha, Bertholdt even. Were they proud? Did they look down at him right now, smiling and at peace knowing their lives weren’t given in vain? He felt a chill crawl up his spine as his mind settled on what was about to happen.

Then, just like that, the coldness was gone and replaced by Connie’s warm arm around his back. Jean returned the gesture, seeking some sort of warmth in his last moments as an actual human. He wanted to ask his friend how he felt, what he was thinking, if he had regrets, anything. Yet Jean couldn’t form any words on his tongue, and that alone caused frustrated tears to spring into his eyes. Could he not even give his best friend words of comfort or distraction in this fleeting moment?

Connie’s eyes were following the flying titan as well, his grip on Jean’s side tightening as the moments passed. Was it from fear? Pride? Determination? Jean didn’t know, but finally, he was able to force words out. However, they weren’t what he expected.

“Do you think they’re proud? The fallen?” He clarifies, eyes not leaving the sky he’d never truly see again.

Without hesitation, Connie answered firmly. “I have no doubt they’re cheering everyone on, and will meet us on the other side whenever we finally go.”

Jean chuckles shakily, silent tears streaming down his cheeks at the reassurance he needed. “It’s been quite a ride huh?”

“It has” Connie agrees with a similar chuckle, a few tears slipping from his own eyes. 

Jean finally looks over at his best friend, knowing the time was near. “Connie, I’m honored to have ever met your dumb ass” he laughs brightly.

Connie’s eyes widen in surprise before laughter takes over his body as well. “Me too Jean Boy” he says fondly, using the old playful nickname that Jean now finds familiar and comforting.

As their laughter continues, the end comes finally, their last moment being filled with warmth and happiness. As Jean felt himself change, he saw a flash of his life pass by his face and realized this was the end. It was like Ymir had told Eren. He wasn’t going to ever be himself again, this was death before death. Being trapped and wanting to die, but not being able to. 

He saw his childhood. He saw his mother crying in the kitchen when his father left. Omelets and chubby cheek kisses. Laugher whenever he knocked over blocks before building them up once again. Jean saw his mother scooping him up in her arms whenever he cried, shushing him softly and humming a soothing tune in his ear. How did it go again? He could barely recall now. 

Then his early teen years flashed by. Jean saw his dream girl drawing but now she was unappealing and strange to him. He saw himself yelling at his mother and regretted every hash word he ever spoke to her. Jean then saw himself lined up with the 104th cadets, being questioned, then headbutted. Ouch. He turned and saw him, the one who had kept him going. Marco Bodt. A freckled angel now that Jean could actually see and remember every detail again. 

His training days sped by quickly. Every fight with Eren, his pining over Mikasa, his friendship with Connie and Sasha. Sasha...she was so much different when she was younger. Connie was too, in fact, they all were. At the time, Jean bet none of them saw themselves going out the way they did. 

Jean saw Trost, and when he first saw a titan, the thing he was about to become. Ugly, deformed monsters who turned out to be humans like him. It was fucked up in more ways than one. He saw himself finding Marco’s body, and felt the same chill run down his spine that ran that moment. Jean saw the bright flames of the fires which burned the dead that night. He saw the moment he made his choice to go out like this. Signed his death warrant. 

He saw every moment in his life leading up to now. He saw himself growing up and changing. Jean saw Connie and Sasha more and more, realizing exactly how much those two idiots had changed him for the better. He saw Sasha’s death and remembered the absolute terror and horror he had felt then and felt for days after. Jean then saw Connie and his little moment no one else knew about. The tears and the kind whispers, the hugs and quiet moments together. How he longed for those moments again, or that nice feeling.

As everything faded away, Jean closed his eyes and waited for the day he might open them again in a green field full of wildflowers. The sun would be shining down on him, and birds would be singing as they soared past. A cool breeze would blow over him, cooling his body down from the heat. He’d be in normal clothes, not the uniforms he had begun to call casual. Maybe an olive green shirt like when they had first found the sea. None of those dozen of straps though, and maybe just regular brown pants. Don’t ask why, but he’d be barefoot. 

Suddenly a hand would reach out to him, and as he took it, a face would appear. It would be Connie, the friend he died side by side with. Jean would hug the knucklehead, ignoring the jokester’s comments. Then Sasha would appear and tackle them both to the ground, laughing the entire time. This would end up making the other two laugh as well. Then a hand would touch his shoulder, and when he looked up, he’d see Marco. Jean would hug him as tight as he would, rambling on about how much the freckled boy had helped him over the years. Slowly, every other comrade he knew would appear, and then he’d feel warm once more. 

Strangely, it seemed like just a few seconds after he closed his eyes before they began to open again. Jean felt the sun shining down on him as his eyes squinted open. He looked down at his hands and saw olive sleeves and brown pants. As his gaze traveled down to his feet, he let out a chuckle as he wiggled his bare toes. Just then, a hand reached out and a bright face appeared.

“Hey Jean! Bout time buddy!” Connie laughs.

Jean smiles brightly as he takes his best friend’s hand. Right after he was pulled to his feet, he felt another body collide with his own, knocking both him and Connie over. Laughter filled his ear as he turned and saw Sasha in a casual shirt and skirt. Before he knew it, he and Connie had begun laughing as well, hysterically almost. Suddenly, a hand brushes over his shoulder. Jean whipped his head up as he took in the smiling angelic freckled figure of Marco Bodt. 

As if his body moved on it’s own, he threw his arms around the freckled boy, rambling nonsense to him. Marco simply chuckled and hugged him back tightly. As Jean looked around him, his breathing hitched at the sight of everyone he ever cared about, or knew who passed. Commander Erwin, Hange, Floch, Thomas, Mina and more. They were all here, and all of them looked at him with kindness and warmth. Except, one face he had wanted to talk to was missing. Where was Bertholdt? 

“Where’s Bertholdt?” Jean asked.

Sasha and Connie look at each other sadly before pointing to a hazy place where he could barely make out the figure of Bertholdt Hoover. Jean ran over, only being stopped by a wall like force,

“Bertholdt?” He asks, hands pressed against the wall.

Bertholdt looks down at him with a soft smile, one Jean had deeply missed though he tried not to. “I’m here Jean, but I cannot follow you over” he says softly.

“Why not? I want you here with us” Jean says, knowing he sounded greedy, but couldn’t bring himself to care.

Bertholdt just chuckles. “As a shifter, I’m kept between the fine line of life and death” he explains “But every once in a while, one side can see this place, and I can see it too.”

Jean looks down, the happiness he felt mere moments ago gone with this information. Eren, Armin, Reiner, Annie. He’d never see them again. Bertholdt bending down to his height snapped his eyes back up.

“We might not be with you there Jean, but we will always be with you here” The gentle giant smiles and points at Jean’s heart.

The shorter one’s eyes widen before he notices the taller beginning to disappear. “I- Bertholdt! I forgive you, and I promise I’ll never forget you!” he cries bitterly “I’ll always look for the rare moment I can see you again” he smiles softly.

Bertholdt just nods gratefully “Thank you, Jean.”

With that, his old friend disappeared, as did the wall. Behind him, he felt arms wrap around him. Sasha cried softly in his back as Connie held his arm. Jean was gazing up at the blue sky, watching the birds pass by when he smiled. Gently, he took one of Connie’s and one of Sasha’s hands in his own and squeezed them. 

“Hey, no crying here dumbasses” he says with a chuckle. 

Sasha wipes her tears with a teary laugh. “Can’t help it,” she argues.

“Yeah” Connie sniffles “Bertholdt was just like us in too many ways.”

Jean looks down “I know, and I’ll miss him too” he agrees “but, we’re finally free guys.”

With that, Sasha and Connie both finally look up at the sky and see what Jean saw. A crystal clear sky, with white perfect clouds. Birds flying high, wind blowing gently. They were home, and this home had no walls. No titans, no death, no screams, no nightmares. They were finally free. 


End file.
